


The Possessed Beard

by meridian_rose (meridianrose)



Category: Da Vinci's Demons
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Tall Tales
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-22 01:57:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6066325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meridianrose/pseuds/meridian_rose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crack AU of S3e7. Leo confronts Lorenzo at the brothel and comes to a startling conclusion; Lorenzo is under an enchantment. Author notes follow at end of fic</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Possessed Beard

During the dark days when the threat of invasion darkened the land, Lorenzo de Medici returned to Florence a changed man, full of anger and grief. He even killed a man with his bare hands in the Council Chamber before he proclaimed that Florence would stand alone and not join with Rome against the Turks.

In one last attempt to gain Lorenzo's help, Leo confronted him in the brothel, where Lorenzo was being whipped until blood ran down his back. He grew furious with Leo and began to harangue him.

As Lorenzo yelled and stumbled towards them, his face red, his body sweaty, it was as if his eyes glowed with an infernal fire. Leo took a half-step in front of Laura, held out his hands placatingly.

"You don't mean those things." Leo's thoughts whirled in his head, considering and discarding possibilities. Lorenzo had never been the wisest of men, and he could be a bully and a hypocrite, but he'd never been this cruel or unhinged. He'd trusted Leo once, had acknowledged the debt he owed Leo for saving his life, called him brother.

Lorenzo had not been faithful to Clarice and Leo thought that Lorenzo had loved her once, had retained some affection for her, but that any passion they might once have had was long gone. It didn't seem in character for Lorenzo to snap like this over her death.

He'd been tortured, yes, the scars on his back spoke of physical pain, but to turn on those trying to help and heal him…

The answer was literally staring Leo in the face.

That beard. That disgusting, unkempt beard that even changed the shape of his face. Lorenzo had always been clean shaven. He was almost obsessive about it.

Leo turned to Madam Singh and snapped his fingers. "Quickly! Give him the Barber Experience," he ordered. "Without the Happy Ending, please."

Singh blinked lazily. "You mean just shave him?"

"Right now," Leo said. He looked to Laura for help. "Trust me, Signora."

"Do as Leonardo bids," Laura said. "I will pay the cost."

"I don't want a shave," Lorenzo hollered.

"I will pay you twice what the experience is worth," Laura told Singh.

Singh shrugged. "Make it three and we have a deal."

#

It took three men to wrestle Lorenzo into the chair and strap him down. They had to stuff a rag into this mouth to keep him quiet and prevent him from biting. A young man and a buxom woman took turns clipping the beard, applying lotions, shaving off the facial hair.

As the beard fell away Lorenzo's struggles ceased. His eyes cleared. When the last cleansing cloth ran across smooth skin, Leo stepped forward to fish the gag from Lorenzo's mouth.

"Leonardo," Lorenzo gasped. "My brother. Thank you. I don't know what came over me."

Leo stepped gingerly around the fallen hair. "Madam Singh, I'd order this swept up and burnt, if I were you."

She nodded, clapped her hands, issued orders. Leo untied Lorenzo and helped him up from the chair. Lorenzo ran appreciative hands over his chin.

"The beard was to blame?" Laura asked. There was scepticism in her tone, but she couldn't deny the change that had come over Lorenzo.

"The Turks have access to all sorts of arcane magic," Leo said. "I've heard of amulets that can control people, but they can be easily removed. But who would think of a beard as a weapon?"

"You," Lorenzo said, pulling Leo into a bear hug. "You did, brother. How can I thank you?"

"Well," Leo said. "There's the little of matter of the Crusade…"

And that's the tale of how Leo, the famed artista, saved Lorenzo from the Beard of Possession, and helped win the war.

**Author's Note:**

> Author Notes: zeph317 refers to it as the grief beard and [this Tumblr](http://vinicitrice.tumblr.com/post/139450685080/fluff-smut-and-the-holy-squee) post by vincitrice led to a discussion about Lorenzo and his behaviour towards Vanessa, and the-party-pineapple called it "that beard that you only see on pervy Santa’s". Which led me to comment via my sideblog that "Perhaps he’s possessed by that awful beard?" and I can't find it now but someone tongue-in-cheek agreed it could be a "haunted beard".  
> And then I realised a fic on the subject could reasonably be a fill for the trope bingo prompt 'tall tale', and this crack fic happened :)


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